Chelsea FC forward Cole Palmer….Photo/courtesy
Cole Palmer is running out of ways to politely wait until the second half before ruining opponents’ weekends.
The Chelsea forward set another Premier League record on Saturday, scoring a first-half hat-trick in a 3-1 win over Wolverhampton Wanderers — his third time producing a halftime hat-trick in league play, the most by any player in competition history.
Palmer scored in the 13th, 35th and 38th minutes at Molineux, finishing the job so early Wolves fans had enough time to emotionally process events, re-evaluate life choices and still catch the halftime tea queue.
The 23-year-old had previously delivered similar first-half destruction against Everton in April 2024 and Brighton & Hove Albion in September 2024.
Against Brighton, Palmer went a step further, scoring four goals in the first half — the first time any player has done that in Premier League history — because apparently normal hat-tricks were too mainstream.
His Everton performance included a “perfect” hat-trick — left foot, right foot and header — completed within 29 minutes, which is roughly the time most teams take to decide who is marking him.
Saturday’s performance also added to Palmer’s growing list of club records, including the most Premier League hat-tricks for Chelsea, overtaking club legends who at least had the courtesy to spread their goals across two halves.
Chelsea manager Liam Rosenior’s side secured the win comfortably, while Wolves once again demonstrated that charity begins at home — especially when giving away penalties.
THE THREE HISTORIC FIRST-HALF HAT-TRICKS (A.K.A. “CLOCK-IN, DESTROY, CLOCK-OUT”)
Everton — April 15, 2024
Perfect hat-trick inside 29 minutes.
Defenders still filing missing persons reports.
Brighton — Sept. 28, 2024
Four goals in one first half, hat-trick completed in about 10 minutes.
Brighton briefly considered uninstalling football.
Wolves — Feb. 7, 2026
Hat-trick between 13th and 38th minute.
Wolves kindly assisted via penalties and vibes.
THE BIGGER PICTURE
