Ford Kenya party leader Dr Moses Wetang’ula(R),Deputy leader Governor Ken Lusaka(C)and Kabuchai MP Majimbo Kalasinga(L) at a past Ford K function ….Photo /courtesy
NAMUYEMBA,BUNGOMA
After Ford Kenya’s spectacular political gymnastics in the recent race — where candidate Vincent Maunda was promised a glorious 70% landslide that somehow landed between “mathematically invisible” and “missing in action” — tongues are wagging across Bungoma:
Should party boss and Speaker Moses Wetang’ula summon his troops to Namuyemba for… remedial discipline?
This time, Speaker Wetang’ula may not be alone.
Before he even warms the chair, the entire Ford Kenya high table will be already polishing their disciplinary spectacles:
Deputy party leader & Governor Ken Lusaka will be bowtie pointing north like a compass searching for missing votes
County chairperson & Women Rep Catherine Wambilianga will be clutching a notebook with names written suspiciously in UPPERCASE
Senator David Wakoli will be sharpening rhetorical questions for the guilty
PS for Industry Dr. Juma Mukhwana, will be reviewing whether the spankings will improve national productivity metrics
This will be because Ford Kenya leaders campaigned loudly—with the confidence of a party expecting manna from heaven;but Erick Wekesa, running on an Independent ticket with nothing but grit, God and maybe a few determined boda boda riders, swept the seat so clean that tally clerks were checking if the other ballots had evaporated.
According to Bungoma’s unofficial political analysts on Chwele,Sikusi,Mukhweya and Nalondo markets — usually found in kiosks holding mandazi and unsolicited wisdom — the Ford Kenya agents, MCAs and professional promise-makers who swore on podiums,radio and live TV that “70% is guaranteed, Speaker sir!” are now practicing their apology speeches in front of mirrors.
Bungoma’s hottest debate remains:
Should Wetang’ula summon them for a thorough spanking just like what the Kasipul Kabondo Independent candidate is rumored to have done?
A mock “party memo” circulating on WhatsApp — clearly authored by hyperactive youths with unlimited bundles — lays out the disciplinary program:
1. Arrival & Registration
Officials sign a confession book titled:
“I overpromised, underdelivered, and have learned nothing.”
2. Orientation
A self-esteem rebuilding session:
“How Not to Lose Where You Are Supposed to Win: A Beginner’s Guide.”
3. The Spanking Committee Sits
A panel of elders of the Sacred Cane evaluates each official based on:
How confidently they lied about the 70%
How loudly they shouted “tuko ground!”
How quickly they switched off their phones once results started coming in
Each category attracts one to four strokes, depending on performance and attitude.
4. Graduation Ceremony
Survivors receive certificates stamped with the Ford Kenya motto:
“Next time, we shall not embarrass Papa we Roma.”
Public Commentary
Meanwhile, Bungoma residents have added their own comedy to the situation:
“If the agents refuse to confess, increase the cane size.”
“MCAs should get extra strokes — they promised heaven, delivered dust.”
“If they cry, let them. It’s character development.”
Of course, Ford Kenya’s communications team dismisses the entire story as
“creative fiction manufactured by unserious people” — which is absolutely true.
But the people of Bungoma?
They’re polishing their popcorn bowls, smiling mischievously and waiting for Episode 2 of The Namuyemba Disciplinary Seminar.
